Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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