I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We left the knife in your bed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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