fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
