i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
