the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
