I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
