I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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