too bad you live with your parents still
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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