When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My cat gives me a boner
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
