she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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