im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
