I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
