Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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