I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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