Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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