The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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