toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
