I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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