We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
why do cheetos always look like penises
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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