I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize