can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
