I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize