Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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