I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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