Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
