I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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