your parents love me but you hate me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
