dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize