You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
