what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
