i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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