I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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