I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
