I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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