sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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