im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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