I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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