I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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