i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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