He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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