do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
