the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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