just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
