I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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