So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
