She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
