something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
