I cockslap morals
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
