I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize