All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
