my phone needs a breathalizer
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
