I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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