I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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