I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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