He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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