You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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