the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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