Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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