This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
