At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize