I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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