I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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