: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
