he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
