I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
