I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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