from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
