after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
