Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
