I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
as a side note pls kill me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
