guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
