The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
