K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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