I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Randomize
