i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm at about main and main street
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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