So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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