I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
