Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
