one two three fourrrrnication!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
