He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize