I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
