I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
