Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
