are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
