I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize