i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
