fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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