I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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