looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
