Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
