i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize