i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
