You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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