his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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