so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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