he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
