Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
