Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my liver is dry heaving
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
