Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Randomize
